How I Lost My Beard

A dumb (but true) story by Jay Keller

I was about to leave town for Las Vegas, to attend the InterOp trade show, and I stopped home after going to work in the morning, to say goodbye to my wife and kids and to pick up my bags.  My wife mentioned that I might just have enough time for a quick shower before leaving for the airport.

That sounded good, so I jumped into the tub. I showered and then grabbed the little disposable razor I use to trim around the edges of my beard.  Sometimes I just skim the razor over the surface of the beard, to catch some of the protruding hairs, much the same way that you'd use the razor to de-lint a sweater.

Well, you've guessed the rest.  Noticing a bit more hair than usual on the tub floor, I looked in the mirror and discovered to my shock that in my haste I must have pressed a little too hard.  A 1-inch by 4-inch strip had been mowed out of the side of my beard.  I recognized my chin, which I hadn't seen for about twenty years.

Panic ensued, I had about 45 minutes until my flight and it takes 20 minutes to get to the airport.  There wasn't much choice but to cut the whole thing off.  I called my wife into the bathroom and apprised her of the situation.  I quickly clipped off the long stuff with an electric trimmer, then shaved all over while my wife and two children looked on, laughing in a mixture of awe and amusement.

Neither my wife nor my two children had ever seen me clean-shaven, it's been about 20 years since the last time I had the beard off (only for one shave and however long it took me to grow it back).  They are starting to get used to me, I think, and it's starting to grow back.

While in Vegas I sent my mother an 8x10 picture of the "new" me.  About a week later I spoke to her on the phone.  As we were ending the conversation, she remembered to ask me, "By the way, who's this guy and why did you send me his picture?"  

I didn't need to answer, I just paused in amazement and my pause gave her time to look a bit more carefully.  She screamed as she immediately realized that the picture was me, while I laughed.
March 31, 1995

Back to my home page

Send me E-mail...

Last update: December 23, 1997